Melissa: Have you ever felt that there was a fixed and specific way that having Dissociative Identity Disorder works? Just like most disorders, there are variations in our experiences, like unique fingerprints.
Melissa: Today, I have a guest on the show who will be playing a game with me. We’ll ask each other 20, DID, “Did you ever?” questions. The hope is to demonstrate that while we may have similarities, all systems are valid in how DID works for them. Join us, because it’s about to get quirky in here.
Melissa: If you give us a listen and you want to find out more, you can find us over at thebagsystem.com
*Static Noise*
Melissa: I have alternate personalities.
Skittle: It’s really funny!
Melissa: But, what if none of this is real?
Imitating a therapist: How do you feel?
Katie: Small…
SpitFire: Can she just get out of my face?
*Static Noise*
Melissa: What if I’m not real?
Brandy: Thank you for including me. I appreciate it.
Melissa: You’re welcome. I’m quite glad to have you on. You seem like; kind of like, for this particular video, especially, like, doing something quirky and fun… it seems absolutely right.
Melissa: Welcome to The Bag System! We are here with Brandy from DID Hatchery. So, would you like to introduce yourself?
Brandy: Um, yes. I’m DID Hatchery. I’m an extremely famous YouTuber. Um, I have about five subscribers.
Melissa: At least!
Brandy: No. I’m just excited to be here, and I think this will be a really fun, you know, exercise. I just want people like me never to feel alone. And that’s the reason I created my channel, and I just do it to the best of my ability. You know.
Melissa: One of the goals of this episode would be to show the differences between one system, to another system. Two hosts of two different systems, what are our experiences and how do they differ, or how are they similar?
Brandy: Exactly.
Melissa: So who gets the start?! Did you ever see one of your Headmates?
Brandy: Yes, I have.
Melissa: You have!
Brandy: Yes.
Melissa: Do tell.
Brandy: Okay. The first time I realized I had DID, one of my Headmates projected herself in front of me; not in the way, not in a hallucinatory way. It was more like imagining something, but I wasn’t imagining it; she was. And she was projecting herself in front of me, and she was basically like, “You can’t deny us anymore.” And that’s how I found out I had did for sure.
Melissa: Wow. So, she actually got to explain it to you afterwards, how she did it.
Brandy: Oh, I don’t know. Like, um. Like any alter in my system has the capacity to project things in front of me, but she’s the only one who’s ever done it.
Melissa: Right. That’s interesting, because it was the weirdest thing is it’s happened. I asked the question cause it kind of happened to me, that for the first time, this week, and I just kind of like, look over and there’s this baby on the floor, Like, sitting there in a little dress. She’s super cute. And there’s this woman next to her. And then the woman looks all surprised to see that, not to see me, but that I see her.
Brandy: Wow.
Melissa: She picks up the baby and they go poof.
Brandy: Exactly. They just go; they dissipate.
Melissa: And that’s how I described it too. It’s like a projection; like a projection of my mind, but maybe it was like an altar that was seeing it. And then I kind of saw what they were seeing, but within the headspace. I don’t know. I’m theorizing really, so. And it didn’t feel scary though.
Brandy: It’s just like natural and it’s like, you’re not, you’re not thinking about it. You’re not projecting it. Some other part of you is, so it’s like, you don’t even have to think about it. It’s suddenly there.
Melissa: Right? It’s like a baby. You don’t get scared of babies.
Brandy: It’s just an alter making you aware of their presence.
Melissa: Dissociation. All right, hit me.
Brandy: Okay. Here we go. Did anyone ever figure out you had DID before you told them?
Melissa: Yes.
Brandy: Of course. Right
Melissa: My sister and my psychiatrist,
Brandy: I had the same experience. I had three, well, two psychologists and one psychiatrist aware of my DID years before I knew. My partner knew.
Melissa: Oh, see…
Brandy: He was the one who informed me this time. Like we got in some weird argument, and, something that I wasn’t even attached to. Like, I had no stance on it. Right. But then I freaked out and I was like, babies, this and babies that! And he’s like, “You’re Red! You are, you’re an altar right now.” And I was like, “I’m not an alter.” But then the next day, my alter, Lola Blue projected herself in front of me, and then I knew, yes, I have alters.
Melissa: Well, there you go.
Brandy: Right? Your turn!
Melissa: Did you ever, DID, did you ever not recognize someone claiming to know you?
Brandy: Ah! Yes! That is the story of my life! Basically, I would see people that I didn’t quite recognize. Like it was, it’s sort of like there was a spark of acknowledgement, but I couldn’t, I just didn’t know. And so what I would do in those situations, is I would be very boisterous, and I’d be like, “Hey. How you doing? Oh my God, it’s been so long!” So, I can skip over the name part.
Melissa: Oh!
Brandy: And I would distract them so that they didn’t ask me if I knew their name.
Melissa: Oh, teach me your ways. I, I get awkward. I’m like, “Oh, I mean, if you weren’t wearing a mask on half your face, I’m sure I’d know who you were.”
Brandy: Let me just tell you this hilarious story. When I was growing up, before I knew I had DID. Right. I thought I was super special. And like, everybody loved me, because so many people knew me that I didn’t know. And I’m like, wow. They know me and I don’t remember them, so I must be awesome!
Melissa: Famous!
Brandy: The truth was, I was hanging out with them and I didn’t know it. But, so yeah, the tactic is this. Somebody comes up to you, you don’t quite recognize them, and what you do is, you just look at them, and you’re like, “Oh my God! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you! What have you been up to?! I can’t believe we haven’t seen each other in so long! So, what’s going on?” And then you don’t have to, *Laughs* we don’t have to say their names. Tactic.
Melissa: If I could go back in time a few days, I’d have done that.
Brandy: Yeah. Well, you know, it would probably happen it in the future too. So, go for it.
Melissa: I’ll use it. I’ll use it.
Brandy: Right?
Melissa: Wham! Hit me.
Brandy: Did someone ever misdiagnose you after being diagnosed with DID; like a separate doctor?
Melissa: Hmmm… No, no, no.
Brandy: We’ll see, I had that experience recently when I was in the hospital. They thought that I had psychotic depression and that my alters were a delusion. And I was like, “Are you kidding me?” I’ve literally had three doctors tell me I had DID, and I denied it every time. And when I finally found out, I was like, not on any substances. I was just living my life, and then my alter projected herself in front of me, and everything has never been the same since. So, don’t tell me I don’t have DID.
Melissa: Wow. And you would think they would listen to like, three other opinions.
Brandy: Like, I feel like it goes to stigma. I feel like it goes to like, doctors being too embarrassed to write did in their charts because they don’t want to be seen as the doctor that diagnosis DID.
Melissa: Right. So controversial…
Brandy: Uh Hmmmm.
Melissa: Did you ever have an overt switch, but managed to somehow cover it up?
Brandy: Oh, no. I, I’ve never been able to cover up my overt switches.
Melissa: Like, explain it away.
Brandy: Okay. No. I’m wrong about that? I have had overt switches prior to knowing I had DID. Right. And so, the only telltale sign of an overt switch was like, I would roll my eyes. I would like, really roll my eyes, and then, I would be the other part. So maybe, yeah.
Melissa: I’m not sure if I really explained it away, but it just kind of like ignored it, and it, it just went poof in the air, and it wasn’t discussed again.
Brandy: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My, my switches in public tend to be, they’re pretty subtle, sometimes. Like, you have to know me to know that I’m switching, in public. Right.
Melissa: Right. Because, probably Headmates are also cautious in public to not make it obvious also.
Brandy: But when I’m at home, the switches are extremely overt, because they can.
Melissa: Ba da bing. Ba da boom! Your turn.
Brandy: Did you ever experience the mind of a co-conscious alter, and were able to remember it afterwards?
Melissa: In the sense of remembering that, what they experienced outside of what happened when we were co-conscious?
Brandy: Yeah. So like, let’s say you’re co-conscious with an alter. Right?
Melissa: Right.
Brandy: And, so when you’re co-conscious, you can…
Melissa: Feel them…
Brandy: You know what they’re thinking? Right?
Melissa: Yeah.
Brandy: But then, if the alter goes away, does the, do they take the memories with them? And you’re like, I’m going to remember this. I’m going to remember this, but then they just delete it.
Melissa: Oh. That they take the memories. They’re… not that you remember more. Uh. Yeah. There’s such significant things sometimes. And like, that, I’m going to remember that. And then when someone asks me later, so what was the thing again? Like, “I don’t know. What are you talking about?” *Laughs*
Brandy: And then it all dissipates, like a dream upon waking.
Melissa: Right! I figured out since, that’s kind of what a gatekeeper does.
Brandy: Yeah!
Melissa: They’re thieves…
Brandy: Yeah. The gatekeeper. My gatekeeper, she, you know, controls everything. She controls who surfaces. And then, what thoughts should be deleted. Like, she deletes everything.
Melissa: Rude! The men in black.
Brandy: And, that’s exactly how it goes.
Melissa: It would be. Urgh. I’m jelly of the power. Did you ever have more than two Headmates at the front, at once?
Brandy: So, it was like, uh! It was as if my head was like, I had maybe, I don’t know, six to 10 alters in my head at once. One time.
Melissa: Oh!
Brandy: Because they all wanted to be, they all wanted to have fun. Like they, sometimes, I have lot of young alters, like, teenage alters, and then they, it’s like, if I dance or drink, or do whatever, they, they see my head as a frigging club. It’s too much. It’s overwhelming.
Melissa: Oh! It’s intense. Right? Yeah. Me too. There was a situation where I had joined a group, and they had an online chat for people in the area who have DID. And then, for the first time, like ever, my Headmates were like, “Oh! People who know we’re there; accept we’re there. Are okay if we talk, talk to them.” We were sitting there for the first time on one of these calls, and every freaking one of them, or I wouldn’t say one of them, cause we’re kind of a lot, but like, several, a lot, especially the kids wanted to talk. And it was like, they’re all anticipating what they’re going to say to these people that they can finally talk to you. And they’re like, “Oh, are the kids in that person too?” And then everyone’s talking. And then I asked the people on the call, “What is it called when you’re not just two at the front? When you’re not just co-consciousness?” And they said, “It’s called a party.”
Brandy: It is a party! It’s too much. It’s overwhelming. You know. It’s, people would not understand that. Okay. Is it my turn?
Melissa: It would be.
Brandy: Here we go. Did an alter ever block off your ability to access your thoughts for a consistent period of time, though, you felt like you were at the front.
Melissa: So, I experienced this, but I don’t know if it was actually them doing that though. It’s possible. If they did. I am not a fan of theirs. *Laughs* I try to be very understanding, but that was like months of my life, like narrating my most basic functions in order to like get by and have actual thoughts in my head. Like, “I’m taking the margarine out of the fridge.” And so I take the margin out of the fridge. “I’m walking away from the margarine.” And I’m like, trying to have some kind of semblance of a cognition going. So, the only way I could do that was narrating the most mundane crap. And I’m like, now, I’m thinking back, you know, what if it was that?
Brandy: Your turn!
Melissa: My turn! Did you ever have talents or distinctive symptoms that your Headmates didn’t, or that they did, and you didn’t?
Brandy:Oh my God! Absolutely! Okay. Basically, before I knew I had DID, right?
Melissa: Right.
Brandy: I watched as all of my talents disappeared. I used to be an artist. That went away. I used to be a comedian. That went away. I used to be a writer. That went away. My acting went away because I was putting all my alters in dormancy, and they’re the ones who had all the talent. And so, finally, when they started surfacing, my, my ability to draw and think and be creative and write, and all that stuff started coming back. So yes, absolutely. A hundred percent. *Laughs*
Melissa: Well, there had to be something left. Everyone’s got a talent. Did you find out what your talent was when theirs was gone?
Brandy: My talent?
Melissa: Yeah!
Brandy: I don’t have a talent.
Melissa: Oh, bull.
Brandy: What. What. Okay. Basically my talent is empathy.
Melissa: That, that is a talent!
Brandy: That is my talent, and it can be very painful. But my alters had all the good talents, like writing poetry, drawing, and painting, and comedian, and like, all that stuff. But I’m like, I’m empathy…
Melissa: Empathy is, is like, so human and beautiful, and like, connecting.
Brandy: Oh, I agree. I just…
Melissa: No. You got the super power!
Brandy: Oh wait. Is it my turn?
Melissa: I don’t know anymore.
Brandy: Okay. Okay. Okay. So here we go. Did you ever question whether or not you’re the actual host?
Melissa: Yes. It’s quite unnerving.
Brandy: Right! Oh my God!
Melissa: It’s like, my sense of humor was like, a one woman show. And I was like an entirely different person. And then when I realized I had DID… When I remembered back to that, and I was like, thump, what if I am?
Brandy: Yeah. Right. I agree with that because I’ve had the same problem. Like, I thought I was the host forever, but then I realized that in Florida, I acted very differently than I do here, where I live now. It’s just like, wait there’s. And then I found out that I am a different alter, but there are man Brandy’s. Do you know what I mean?
Melissa: Okay.
Brandy: That’s really weird.
Melissa: They considered themselves, Brandy, because they were hosting and being Brandy, but weren’t necessarily Brandy.
Brandy: And they identify with the body, the age, the name, but they just switch around. Um, I guess.
Melissa: Makes sense.
Brandy: Yeah. It does. Yeah. I’m really enjoying this.
Melissa: Yeah. You know, it’s kind of fun. Whee hooo! My turn! Did you ever! Find yourself in a place you couldn’t recognize, but had apparently, already been.
Brandy: Then let me think about that one.
Melissa: Uh hmmmm.
Brandy: Okay. Maybe I didn’t end up somewhere, but I ended up doing some things that I had no idea were going on for like, months at a time. I don’t recall going somewhere. I do recall doing some things. Basically one thing was happening, then I would find out, and then, I would yell at the person who did the thing, because I didn’t know that I was having a relationship with them.
Melissa: *Laugh*
Brandy: Yeah. Like literally, for like two months, I had no idea that an alter of mine was having a relationship with another person. So, I was calling him. Like, you know, bad names. It took me like a decade to realize that, Oh my God, he wasn’t doing bad things. He was having a relationship with my alter!
Melissa: Go figure.
Brandy: Yeah. You just don’t know sometimes. Okay, here we go! We got another one. Did you ever sense an alter before you were aware of your DID?
Melissa: Sense in what sense? Like in it, think that they might be an alter, or sense them without knowing they were an alter?
Brandy: Hmmmm. Like, okay. How about this? Did you feel like you were a different person at some point?
Melissa: Yes.
Brandy: I thought so. I thought so because I, I, I felt the same way.
Melissa: Yeah.
Brandy: Yeah. So, okay. That’s a good answer.
Melissa: I thought it was mania because I was acting entirely unlike myself, and I couldn’t understand what was going on. I was saying things that I knew were true, because I felt they were true, and I felt that when they were being said, it was, it was truthful, but I also believe the opposite. So, I was like, how is it possible that I’m thinking and feeling two things at once? Or there was, like, instances of being like, having weird, weird talents, or abilities that I hadn’t had before. And I thought, I must be manic to believe I actually do… when I actually did. Yeah. Yeah, no, I did. I figured something was wrong, but I didn’t figure alters.
Brandy: Yeah. You never figure alters. You always think you’re one person before it comes out.
Melissa: Yeah. I was sure I wasn’t one.
Brandy: I have the same thing. Like, basically, when I was in therapy, right? Before I knew I had DID, my mouth would just spout off on stuff and just tell stories. Right? And I would be like, backseat listening. And I would be like, “No. That didn’t happen. Why am I telling you stories? Am I lying? Why would I lie to my doctor?” Then, it turned out it was an alter who was telling their story. Do you know what I mean? Like, but at the time, I thought, no, this is not true. I’m lying to people.
Melissa: Okay. So we’re talking to psychiatrist and I say something about how we were not even human. And he’s like, “I think I tend to disagree.”
Brandy: *Laughs*
Melissa: “I think I disagree.” And I was like, and at the time it was like confusing. I was like, “What do you mean you disagree?” *Laughter*
Brandy: Exactly. Like, why would you disagree? Tell me all the details.
Melissa: Wham!
Brandy: Alright. Is it your turn, or my turn?
Melissa: I think it’s mine. Did you feel your Headmates feelings while also feeling your own?
Brandy: Oh God! Yes! Oh my God. Yes. I get feelings from my, like, at the time, I didn’t know what that was. Right? But I get horrible feelings in my abdomen. And I would be like, why do I feel this way? I, there’s no reason for me to feel this way. And yeah, at the time, I didn’t know I had DID. So I just thought, well, I guess I’m messed up. I guess I have a disorder, but, um, I never thought DID. I just thought, you know, but now I know when I feel something bizarre within myself, that it’s probably an alter having a hard time, you know? But at the time, I didn’t know. I just thought, I, I thought, I need to try harder. I need to buckle down. I need to like, white knuckle this because, it’s ridiculous that I feel this way for no reason. You know what I mean? I blamed myself.
Melissa: Hmm. I thought it was psychosis; for me. Like, PTSD psychosis.
Brandy: Yeah.
Melissa: Cause it was all, like, saying the opposite things that I actually felt, and stuff like that. And, but it’s kind of like a trip in the sense of like, I could be on a roller coaster because like, one moment you’re feeling really excited feelings from one, like, little, four-year-old excited kid. And then the next you’re like the most sullen two-year-old. And then the next you’re like, ADHD, hyperactive, running around, and, and just, kind of like, laughing and bursting out, laughing for no good reason on someone’s desk. And then, you’re just like, what the bleep is that?
Brandy: Totally! I think it’s my turn!
Melissa: It would be. Lucky number seven.
Brandy: Okay. Now this one’s an interesting one. Did you ever have a persecutor alter follow you, like, through the internal world? You know what I mean? Like, threatening you.
Melissa: I’ve heard them talk to me from the internal world, to the external world.
Brandy: Hmmm Hmmm.
Melissa: So they’re inside. I can hear them talking to me. Maybe saying things like that they were going to make me do something to hurt myself.
Brandy: Yes. I have had the same experience. I have an alter who carries a sithe, and he wears a black hoodie. So, I assume he’s the Grim Reaper, but like, he’s a 13-year-old boy, and he would show me images of him walking through a field, dragging his sithe. And he’s like, “I’m coming to get you.” Yeah. I was wondering about that.
Melissa: He had some dedication.
Brandy: Right?
Melissa: Hmmm. My turn! Did you ever hear music through dissociation?
Brandy: Like, an alter playing music in the Headspace?
Melissa: However it would have worked, in the sense of hearing an actual song play with the beat and everything.
Brandy: Yes. I’ve had alters play songs in the background, driving me crazy, occasionally. Over, and over, and over again.
Melissa: I kept trying to info on that after it happened to me. Like, we were so dissociated one night, like partying around the house, cleaning up, and there was music playing; playlist. And then, soooo dissociated; switching between like, Maggie and Skittle, me, and everything was a party. And then, the next day… Because that was a good time, though. It was a good dissociation. Then, the next day, for like, actually a couple of days, every once in a while, the songs from the playlist would play.
Brandy: Oh wow. That’s interesting. Like, I’ve never had that experience. I’ve had the experience of alters playing music in the head, and not stopping.
Melissa: Yeah. I tried to find information on it. Apparently, it’s very rare to hear music, but I guess, maybe with dissociation, and like, I dunno. Probably because we were so dissociated when we were hearing the music…
Brandy: I don’t think I’ve ever had that; exactly. Are you ready?
Melissa: So ready.
Brandy: Okay. Did you ever watch yourself do something you did not approve of?
Melissa: *Laughs* Yes! There was one of us. Oh my God. I have to remember this? So, *Laughs* there was a switch, and then, someone very enthusiastic contacted my therapist, which thankfully, the thing got lost and he wasn’t able to listen to the audio. But they were asking for him to traumatize me with EMDR…
Brandy: Whoah.
Melissa: So that, because they wanted to stay present, because they had figured out that they got to be present when I was freaked out.
Brandy: Oh, I see.
Melissa: The alter was like, “Could you give Melissa EMDR?”
Brandy: Wow.
Melissa: “I want to be here forever.” That was embarrassing. I’m still, I, it gives me the like, wow, oh my God… the chills….
Brandy: Oh. I’m sorry.
Melissa: But, I’m just like, the best part about it; the only good part was that the audio was cracky and he didn’t, he couldn’t hear what they said.
Brandy: There you go.
Melissa: Boo ya!
Brandy: I’ve had that experience. I’ve done a few very bad things that I would never do. You know, like, I’m not going to mention it, but yeah.
Melissa: Okay.
Brandy: I watched myself do it. And then, afterwards, I wouldn’t recall what happenned. But let’s just say, the police were called. It was a long time ago though. Hey, go for it!
Melissa: Yes, maam. Did you ever find evidence of a purchase you couldn’t recall making?
Brandy: Yes. Totally. I recently, I purchased these two, like two or three fricking crowns for my head. And it’s like, who needs that many crowns? I got them. I was like, Oh no, we don’t have the money for this!
Melissa: That is a good question, though. Who needed them?
Brandy: Oh, I know exactly who needed them. It was Claire and James. They’re like, we are Queens of the world. We’re going to do this. Like, yeah.
Melissa: We be queens.
Brandy: And what about you?
Melissa: A necktie.
Brandy: A necktie?
Melissa: It was pink.
Brandy: Interesting!
Melissa: So, the Amazon guy comes to the door, and he’s like, wham, here’s your package. And I’m like, I didn’t order anything. And I’m confused. So, I just go inside and look at the thing, and It really is my name on it. And then I’m thinking, oh, maybe my friend got me something from my wish list? Then I open it up, and I’m like, a neck tie?
Brandy: Weird.
Melissa: And then I’m like… and then I contact them, and I’m like, “Did you send me something on Amazon?” And she’s like, “No.” “Well, how did it get here? I didn’t order it.” So, then I go into my records, and I find the transaction in my accounts.
Brandy: Do you know who bought it?
Melissa: No, I still don’t. But, I know who adopted it after. But I don’t know… I don’t think that she ordered it.
Brandy: Oh, weird. Interesting.
Melissa: It’s in the toy box now.
Brandy: Guys!
Melissa: A neck tie! Uh, a pink neck tie.
Brandy: You can’t live about one of those.
Melissa: Well, apparently someone couldn’t. *Laughter*
Brandy: Exactly.
Melissa: There you go.
Brandy: Okay. Did DID provide any advantages or disadvantages in your professional life?
Melissa: Professional, I’d say probably not. I have a lot of side projects that aren’t paid. Like, so, I mean, I would imagine professionally, you mean, paid. I have volunteer projects, like the app I’m making and I have like this podcast, but in terms of professional, I’d say, more in my personal life.
Brandy: Yeah. That makes sense.
Melissa: Like, not like, personal life, like relationships with other people, but like, with kind of coping with myself.
Brandy: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Melissa: I wouldn’t have expected that at all. Yeah. Like, i’ve always had this knack for communication with people, and suddenly, I’m communicating with myself. *Laughs*
Brandy: Well, that’s good, because like, I’m terrible with communication internally. Like, I have none.
Melissa: You’ll get there. Did you ever figure out what your system role is?
Brandy: Yes. Like, um, my system role is host, and that’s it. I am the host. I can’t go in the inner world. If I’m not fronting, I’m in a convex cube that, you know, floats above the inner world because I’m not allowed in it. Yeah, totally.
Melissa: Apparently, you can have more than one role.
Brandy: Yeah. I just, I feel like my only role is host, right now.
Melissa: Is it an only thing, though?
Brandy: I don’t know.
Melissa: In other words, “only” in the sense of, is when we say “it’s only this,” is it kind of disappointing to be the host, or only the host? Or is it kind of something that you embrace?
Brandy: Oh, I totally embrace being the host. Like I hate, I hate being pushed out. I want the host. I have control issues. I want to be the face of the system, but you know, sometimes I’m not equipped for it. So, like, lately, one of my protector, like my fighter alter; protector fighter alter, has been taking a lot of hosting duties. But the problem with that is she loses her temper way too much.
Melissa: Ah. It goes a little too far. I started wondering, like, it occurred to me yesterday. I’m looking at the chart. I made a, like a map of our system. And I had been told that the Headmate that I thought was the protector, was actually, more like a Caretaker.
Brandy: Oh…
Melissa: I used to call it, being my own mother. I called it a coping skill, but really, it was just her talking to me.
Brandy: Yeah. That makes sense.
Melissa: So then, I thought, she was a protector, because she, like, if I needed to go to the hospital, or something, and she would convince me to go. If I needed, if I wanted to hurt myself, she would talk me down. And then I was like, Oh, so she’s Caretaker not Protector. So then, I’m looking at the map. Okay. So where’s the protector?
Brandy: Yeah.
Melissa: I’m looking at them, one by one, by one, by one. And I’m like, no, no, no. So who? What if it’s me?
Brandy: Yeah. It could be you. You could be the protector.
Melissa: Because, we used to have no protector. I wasn’t the protector. I wasn’t. We were pushovers; all of us. Well, maybe not Spitfire, because they kind of yell at me. But, I’m wondering if maybe, my persecutor alter could also be the protector?
Brandy: It’s very possible, because my persecutor is a protector as well.
Melissa: See, I’m never sure sometimes. Like, if we’re co-conscious. I’m like, was that me? Especially before, when I didn’t know that it was DID. And if I started cursing at someone that was really awful and did something quite bad, that I needed to defend myself, and I, at the time, I thought it was me, but, it wasn’t. I’m trying to figure that one out.
Brandy: It’s going to take time. Like, I have a bunch of alters, and I’m just learning about them. And I’m learning their roles. And I mis-label their roles all the time, because, I just don’t know enough about them. You know.
Melissa: You kind of make assumptions.
Brandy: Uh hmmm.
Melissa: I’m in anticipation of the very last question. It’s going to be the bomb of a question.
Brandy: Oooh. Is it my turn or your turn?
Melissa: Yeah. The last one, and you have a lot of responsibility weighing on your shoulder right now.
Brandy: Oh my goodness. I don’t know if I can take it…
Melissa: *Laughs*
Brandy: Has an alter ever thrown out things you like, because they either didn’t want them, want to wear them, or use them?
Melissa: I don’t think so. Do people count? *Laughter*
Brandy: *Laughter* They do that shit all the time.
Melissa: *Laughter*
Brandy: “I don’t like this person. I’m going to do something to satisfy this.”
Melissa: Boom.
Brandy: That was the final question!
Melissa: So, what did you throw out?
Brandy: Oh. They hide things from me.
Melissa: They hide things from you?
Brandy: They don’t throw them out. They hide them.
Melissa: Oh.
Brandy: I’ve had them hide meditation.
Melissa: Nooooo….
Brandy: You know, stuff like that. Like, that’s the one that stands out to me. That they hid medication from me, and I was super mad. I was like, what are you doing?!
Melissa: I can remember something kind like that. Not exact… We’ll say it’s exactly. so I can tell the story. So, I’m like 10, or something, and my mom finds, like, a bunch of food in my room that I didn’t put there.
Brandy: Yeah. Yeah.
Melissa: “Mom, I didn’t put that there.” And then she’s like, “Yeah, right.” It’s like, “No, mom, I didn’t put that there.” “Yeah. Right.” “Mom, please, just like…” And it wasn’t like, it was that bad a thing that I had food in my room. It’s just that it was like, she woulda just taken it out. It would have been the end of the story, but I was really like, upset that she didn’t believe me. And she was upset that I was still lying to her, apparently. “Mom, that, I, I didn’t do that”. And looking back, I’m like, Oh… *Laugh*
Brandy: Oh, well maybe some part of me did that.
Melissa: Someone was hungry…
Brandy: Yeah. I mean, when I was young, I had alters do things that I was not aware of. And you know, it was like, what?! How did that happen? There must be a ghost. *Laugh* I really feel like, all ghosts are just DID people moving stuff around? Do you have a thing where like, your alters have different hearing, and different tastes buds, and different eyesight?
Melissa: Different energy levels.
Brandy: Yeah. Mine have different energy levels, but they also have different hearing. I’m watching TV. I’m like, “Turn the volume up.” “No,” “Turn the volume down.” “Turn it up.” Turn it down.” “Turn it up.”
Melissa: Uh hmmmm.
Brandy: Ridiculous. This was super fun.
Melissa: I’m looking forward to listening to this back. It’s kind of fun. Yeah.
Brandy: I think we’re good together.
Melissa: I think we are. So did we ever… answer 20 questions? Apparently we did.
Brandy: Yes, we did.
Melissa: Yes, we did. And we can find your channel…
Brandy: At DID Hatchery; on YouTube.
Melissa: You can go to thebagsystem.com and find the link to DID Hatchery’s channel. Well, thank you for joining us.
Brandy: And thank you for having me. This was so much fun.